Recently, while chatting with friends about the topic of relationships, I suddenly realized that many of my friends have, to varying degrees, experienced some unhealthy romantic relationships. Especially the term PUA, which seems to be increasingly common nowadays. Honestly, my initial understanding of PUA was limited to "pick-up techniques," but later I discovered that it has evolved into a form of psychological manipulation, particularly in romantic relationships, which is quite terrifying.
Let's talk about PUA first. Originally, PUA stood for "Pick-Up Artist," teaching men how to better approach women they are interested in. Sounds pretty normal, right? But now, PUA has completely changed its meaning, becoming a tool for psychological control. Many women unknowingly fall victim to PUA in relationships, especially those who are very serious about love, making them more susceptible to such traps.
I have friends who have experienced similar situations. At first, the other person appeared extremely gentle and considerate, even making one think, "Wow, I've finally met the right person." But gradually, the other person started controlling her life in various ways, such as asking her to delete all male friends or even restricting her social circle. The scariest part is that these controls are often disguised as "concern," making it hard to detect. My friend also thought, "He does this because he loves me," until she later realized that this "love" was actually a form of psychological control.
A netizen in the comments section put it well: "People who grow up in happy family lives are less likely to be easily manipulated by PUA." I think this statement makes a lot of sense. Those who grow up in healthy relationships often have a clearer understanding of what true love is and what control under the guise of love looks like. Those who are emotionally vulnerable are more easily deceived by PUA tactics.
Speaking of which, I recall another friend's story. She once met a guy who treated her very well at first, but gradually started belittling her, saying she "wasn't good enough" or "didn't deserve him." This kind of belittlement is actually a common PUA tactic, aiming to make you feel worthless and thus more dependent on the other person. Fortunately, my friend woke up to this and decisively broke up. Reflecting on it now, she says, "That kind of relationship was really terrifying; I felt like I was almost destroyed."
In fact, a healthy romantic relationship should be based on mutual respect and mutual growth. As someone in the comments section said, "When someone doesn't respect their partner, it's time to say goodbye." Everyone has their own life and social circle; it's impossible to always revolve around one person. True love makes you a better person, not someone who gives up their dreams and independence.
Speaking of which, I also want to talk about how men behave in relationships. Whether it's men or women, maintaining confidence and independence in a relationship is crucial. Confidence is the strongest attraction, but confidence does not equal arrogance. You need to understand that you and your partner are equals; being neither subservient nor arrogant is true confidence. If you're always too nervous to speak or constantly trying to please the other person, it can make you seem less genuine.
Additionally, personal image is also important. While looks are innate, personal hygiene and dressing are things you can change. No one likes someone who is sloppy and unkempt; after all, first impressions really matter. You don't need to wear expensive clothes, but at least be clean and tidy, giving the impression that you have an attitude towards life.
Finally, I want to say that whether you're a man or a woman, it's important to keep a clear head in a relationship. Don't be fooled by sweet words, and don't ignore the other person's true intentions because of temporary emotions. True love makes you feel free and happy, not oppressed and constrained.
In conclusion, love is a beautiful thing, but the premise is that you find someone who truly respects and understands you. I hope everyone can stay clear-headed in relationships, stay away from PUA traps, and find their own happiness.
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